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Literature Text
It seems like he's just slippin' through my fingers
I reach out, but he's fading away
Change is coming fast
I'm not sure that this will last
And it's breaking my heart
I see he's drowning now
I want to pull him back
But he's pushing me away
I'm afraid that it might be too late
It hurts to see
I'm not the one he needs
Could this be the end?
I offer him my hand but he turns away
Try to hide my tears in shadows
I don't want to add to his pain
But I can't deny – things aren't the same
My heart is achin'
My world is shakin'
This silence is deadly
What can I do?
I see he's drowning now
I want to pull him back
But he's pushing me away
I'm afraid that it might be too late
It hurts to see
I'm not the one he needs
Could this be the end?
Forgive me my weakness
The pain was just too much
Never thought I'd see the day
I just wanna wish it away
Instead I'm forced to say
Goodbye my friend
But the pain is still the same
Either way
There's no escape
So what's the point in walkin' away?
I'm not sure what there is to say
Oh what can I do?
I see he's drowning now
I'm trying to pull him back
Even when he's pushing me away
I hope it's not too late
Though it hurts to see
I'm not the one he needs
I won't let this be the end
I reach out, but he's fading away
Change is coming fast
I'm not sure that this will last
And it's breaking my heart
I see he's drowning now
I want to pull him back
But he's pushing me away
I'm afraid that it might be too late
It hurts to see
I'm not the one he needs
Could this be the end?
I offer him my hand but he turns away
Try to hide my tears in shadows
I don't want to add to his pain
But I can't deny – things aren't the same
My heart is achin'
My world is shakin'
This silence is deadly
What can I do?
I see he's drowning now
I want to pull him back
But he's pushing me away
I'm afraid that it might be too late
It hurts to see
I'm not the one he needs
Could this be the end?
Forgive me my weakness
The pain was just too much
Never thought I'd see the day
I just wanna wish it away
Instead I'm forced to say
Goodbye my friend
But the pain is still the same
Either way
There's no escape
So what's the point in walkin' away?
I'm not sure what there is to say
Oh what can I do?
I see he's drowning now
I'm trying to pull him back
Even when he's pushing me away
I hope it's not too late
Though it hurts to see
I'm not the one he needs
I won't let this be the end
something new!
This was inspired by some recent events in my life. I hope you all enjoy!
As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!
This was inspired by some recent events in my life. I hope you all enjoy!
As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!
© 2010 - 2024 Faraday-of-Skarabost
Comments7
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactWow, this is really awesome, great job!
You've got good stanzas, good flow. This is very well written!
I'm not sure about the length of your stanzas though. They all seem to vary from stanza-to-stanza and i think it would be better if you could keep it regular lengths.
"My heart is achin'" "My world is shakin'," sounds a bit forced and unnatural. Maybe you could try rephrasing that?
"What can i do?" also sounds unnatural, and a weird way to end the stanza.
Other than that though, i love this. It's beautiful. Very moving, very well written and a great piece of poetry!