literature

Hope of Tomorrow

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Faraday-of-Skarabost's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

Here I stand
Disappointed again
To only find
Another Brutus in my life.
As I'm sitting here, it's easy to
Give up, back down,
Hang my head low in defeat
But I won't take that road
I believe in hope…

We long for the rapture
We're all chasing after
Happiness, success and love
Without all the hardship
Life places in our path
Oh, if Life were that simple
How would we know
A worthwhile thing
Even if it were staring us in the face
So have faith in the hope of tomorrow
Don't let life tear you down…


You can't ever take life for granted
You never know what tomorrow will bring
Some will come, others will go
Accept the ebb and flow
Of time
Have to enjoy what you have
While it lasts

Life is a labyrinth of choices
You have to forge your path
It's the choices that define us
And make us who we are

We long for the rapture
We're all chasing after
Happiness, success and love
Without all the hardship
Life places in our path
Oh, if Life were that simple
How would we know
A worthwhile thing
Even if it were staring us in the face
So have faith in the hope of tomorrow
Don't let life tear you down…


As I take these steps
I remember
The easy path and the right one
Are seldom the same
I have to go where my heart may lead
Knowing I'll never regret a day

Heartache can make you doubt
Casting shadows in the light
As loved ones choose
To walk out of your life
It's easy to break down
As if there were no one else
But as I open my eyes
I can see that still I am loved

If someone cannot see the beauty
In all that I am
Then their time has passed…

We long for the rapture
We're all chasing after
Happiness, success and love
Without all the hardship
Life places in our path
Oh, if Life were that simple
How would we know
A worthwhile thing
Even if it were staring us in the face
So have faith in the hope of tomorrow
Don't let life tear you down…


I won't shed another tear
For all which has passed
For in sorrow
Truth is revealed

I may be on my own
Yet not alone
For wherever I go
Their love will follow
To give me hope

But this strength is my own
Within me lies the power of change
My destiny is mine to create

We long for the rapture
We're all chasing after
Happiness, success and love
Without all the hardship
Life places in our path
Oh, if Life were that simple
How would we know
A worthwhile thing
Even if it were staring us in the face
So have faith in the hope of tomorrow


Never Forget! Never Forget!
You are, never alone, never alone
Remember! Remember!
Your destiny is your own…
An interesting summation of my experiences as well as my views on humanity and life.

Feedback would be greatly appreciated

I hope you enjoy ^_^
© 2010 - 2024 Faraday-of-Skarabost
Comments22
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InstinctiveNature's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Originality
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

First off I'll admit this took me a few reads before anything really sank in to what you were after.
The originality in itself is a key presence here which is a good thing as been original with your experience is pretty tough as many can say they done the same thing.

Also you use a rather interesting choice of words and some nicely descriptive parts. BUT I am now reading this as to what you submitted it as... Emotional / Songs & Lyrics
Both of the other critiquers fail to see that it IS a tune, it is meant to be written as a song and there words, while I agree with majority of them, only critique it AS a poem not a song which you submitted it as.

So with that in mind my first point is the sheer length of this piece. you can tell from many songs/lyric works the general size of the tune that would be needed to fit the words.
If you think that average songs have tunes lasting 3/4 minutes and think about how they go about there own work you can instantly see that this piece is destined to be very long.

When we write songs and lyrics we tend to have a tune in our heads when we do so, wither you realise it or not, your words are inspired by bands and music you enjoy listening to.
It would be interesting to know what type of music you prefer and where this piece is coming from so to compare the 2.

Your chorus moments are VERY lengthy easyily in the region of 20 seconds to sing depending on the style. Its very hard to rush any singing to squeeze it down as you need breathing breaks and small pauses otherwise the last few words will not be spoken an rather the singer will be on the floor ... if you see what I mean that is <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" title=":) (Smile) - :)"/>

If you did envisage the chorus as long then I can feel from your words its over 30 seconds without question... and you have 4 chorus parts here so that in itself is 2 minutes.
Sing it out loud rather than read it to yourself if you want to see my meaning behind the length of this. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" title=":) (Smile) - :)"/>

If you were to remove the chorus parts and resubmit as a poem then Mindapart is right in his words.
basically, the poem is wisdom.
You can tell with how you have worded this that it is based on personal experience and your own point of view, and that in itself makes it a different piece and I do believe get more viewers reading it.
High views tend not to mean that everyone red the ENTIRE piece... some click on a piece read the first bits then come out of it... so its not quite a proper view.

End of day the thing that divides us all is our different points of view to many things.
Despite the overly long feel to this I did enjoy it, but, not as a song. I found it difficult to 'listen' to it as a tune.
If you link me the band you had in mind or the style of music you had in mind for this piece then that will give a better grasp of where you were coming from. But as it stands it does make for difficult understanding as a song.

If you did not intend for it to be critiqued in this way then please place it in the approiate box so we don't end up reading something you meant in a different light <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" title=":) (Smile) - :)"/>

I hope I did not come across too strong with my Critique of this as I try to do these as honest as I can be based on what you write, and also what you type in the Artist comment's box that we use as a guideline to what you were aiming for. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" title=":) (Smile) - :)"/>

This Critique was under taken from <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/x/p/x…" alt=":iconxpose-it:" title="xpose-it"/>
I hope this Critique is fair in your eyes and I have written this as honestly as I possibly can.
If there is anything you want to discuss then feel free to contract myself <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" title=":) (Smile) - :)"/>